Ths morning I had some brown spotting which really worried me, even though it was just a tiny bit. There was a little bit more during the day, but it seems to have stopped now.
I did some online research, and apparently it's very common in early pregnancy, and doesn't usually mean there's any problem, but that doesn't stop me freaking out and obsessively checking my knickers.
I finally phoned my doctors' surgery and explained that I was pregnant and didn't know who I should be making an appointment to see. The receptionist said that I should probably start by seeing a doctor, and managed to find me an appointment for Thursday afternoon.
I'm really nervous. I'm scared that the doctor will say I'm not really pregnant (Yes, I know - despite the sickness, huge boobs and four positive tests...) or that the things I did before knowing I had conceived might have hurt the baby. The week before my period was due I had alcohol, pate, blue cheese, antihistamine tablets and a tiny bit of hash. (Not all at the same time!)
I'll post tomorrow once I've been for my appointment.
Showing posts with label worries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worries. Show all posts
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
Freakout
I keep panicking that having a baby is the wrong thing for me to do. I'm such a screwup in so many ways that it seems cruel for some poor child to have to have me as a mother.
I know that Chris will be a great dad. Those people who had an abusive parent seem to go one of two ways. Either they think that the way they were treated was normal, and so will go on to treat their children the same way or they know that their parent was not a good parent and will go out of their way to be the complete opposite. I can see him being a very hands-on sort of father, much like my dad was and still is.
I don't know if that will be enough to make up for me. I have problems with organising myself. I panic if my routine or plans get disrupted. I need to regularly have time by myself or I get very twitchy.
How will I ever manage having a baby around?
For a long time I thought that I would grow up, or something, and that then I'd be ready to be a mum. Now I suspect that I was wrong, and that maybe having a baby will be the thing to change me.
However, the idea of changing scares me a lot. I don't know if it will change me in an real way - maybe I'll still be me, but more me, if that makes sense.
Perhaps the only thing to do is to just jump right into it.
I know that Chris will be a great dad. Those people who had an abusive parent seem to go one of two ways. Either they think that the way they were treated was normal, and so will go on to treat their children the same way or they know that their parent was not a good parent and will go out of their way to be the complete opposite. I can see him being a very hands-on sort of father, much like my dad was and still is.
I don't know if that will be enough to make up for me. I have problems with organising myself. I panic if my routine or plans get disrupted. I need to regularly have time by myself or I get very twitchy.
How will I ever manage having a baby around?
For a long time I thought that I would grow up, or something, and that then I'd be ready to be a mum. Now I suspect that I was wrong, and that maybe having a baby will be the thing to change me.
However, the idea of changing scares me a lot. I don't know if it will change me in an real way - maybe I'll still be me, but more me, if that makes sense.
Perhaps the only thing to do is to just jump right into it.
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