Friday, 30 May 2008

Here we go!

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary, and also D-Day. ('D' for doom? Maybe it should be 'T' for terrified, or 'W' for What-the-hell-are-we-thinking?)

Deciding that it would be a good time to start actively trying to get me pregnant seemed like a perfectly fine plan a few months ago when we made the decision, but May 28th came around horrifyingly fast!

I spent the last few days getting progressively more and more panicky, to the point where I wasn't sure that I'd even be relaxed enough for the necessary activity to take place. A vodka and orange helped a bit, though...

The thing is, now that we've taken the plunge, a lot of the worrying seems to have gone away. Knowing that there's a possibility, no matter how small, that I could have already conceived has made me feel a lot more laid-back about the whole thing, and now I just want to get on with it.

Every now and then I think about all the things that I could be doing, that would be more difficult with a baby, and wonder whether I'm missing out on something, but those things, like going clubbing all the time, getting drunk a lot, going abroad for holidays - they're not things that I do or did anyway.
The things I do like to do, such as samba, going to occasional gigs, sometimes going to Glastonbury, spending time with friends, are all perfectly feasible with a baby.
There's no point in worrying that I'm not living someone else's life, especially when it's not a life I'd like.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

More drugs

I'm nearly through the second week of coming off the drugs, and it's going ok. I'm down to half my previous dosage, so after another week or so I'll be off them altogether.
I'm planning to quit smoking at the end of the month. I'll have emotional support since one of my best friends is quitting then too, which will help, I hope!

With any luck we'll start trying to get me pregnant then.
Currently I'm more excited than panicky, but it fluctuates.

Sunday, 4 May 2008


I've been back to the doctor a couple of times now. He confirmed that I definitely can't take either of my medicines while pregnant, for the first three months especially.
We discussed how I should come off the drugs, to best reduce withdrawal. I'm going to do it quite slowly. Week one - alternate days of a whole pill and a half one. Week 2 - half a pill each day. Week 3 - half a pill every second day. I'll do the same for my anti-migraine drug. I have a prescription for capsules of half of my usual dosage.
I'm kind of nervous about stoppping takng them, but it's got to be done.

Since I stopped the Pill my periods have been very regular, and there's been regular signs of ovulation too.

I keep having panics about whether I'm ready, about how I'm going to cope with a baby when I don't feel that I can cope with me...
I'm also freaking out about how it'll affect my body. I've never yet managed to look slim, and I'm worrying that now never will, and then I feel horrible and vain.
Logically, I know that I've started exercising now, and that I can still exercise once I'm pregnant. Doesn't stop me worrying, though.

We're still on track for starting trying on our anniversary (May 28th). I'm scared, but feeling better about it than I was.