Friday 30 May 2008

Here we go!

Yesterday was our third wedding anniversary, and also D-Day. ('D' for doom? Maybe it should be 'T' for terrified, or 'W' for What-the-hell-are-we-thinking?)

Deciding that it would be a good time to start actively trying to get me pregnant seemed like a perfectly fine plan a few months ago when we made the decision, but May 28th came around horrifyingly fast!

I spent the last few days getting progressively more and more panicky, to the point where I wasn't sure that I'd even be relaxed enough for the necessary activity to take place. A vodka and orange helped a bit, though...

The thing is, now that we've taken the plunge, a lot of the worrying seems to have gone away. Knowing that there's a possibility, no matter how small, that I could have already conceived has made me feel a lot more laid-back about the whole thing, and now I just want to get on with it.


Every now and then I think about all the things that I could be doing, that would be more difficult with a baby, and wonder whether I'm missing out on something, but those things, like going clubbing all the time, getting drunk a lot, going abroad for holidays - they're not things that I do or did anyway.
The things I do like to do, such as samba, going to occasional gigs, sometimes going to Glastonbury, spending time with friends, are all perfectly feasible with a baby.
There's no point in worrying that I'm not living someone else's life, especially when it's not a life I'd like.

1 comment:

Nettie said...

I really hope that everything goes well for you babe because trust me, I wouldn't want you to go through what we're going through!

And I'm sure the panicking is perfectly natural. So is trying to figure out how a baby will fit into your life. When it comes to it though, parents seem to always forget what their life was like before bub and not look back.

Good luck with the trying!
*hugs*